I'm just corny like that.

After seeing this video i couldnt help but post it. I love the Notebook. Its the epitome of love at its strongest impact. All the pain, the time, the memories -- how'd they do it? It's all fictional of course. Feelings and situations made up to test love. Things that would seldomnly happen in real life -- possibly situations and feelings that a real person couldn't overcome so it's up to a fictatious person to show us how. Fake people..fake experiences...fake feelings. YET it hits so close to home that it hurts. Just to think or believe that love like that exists makes The Notebook and all Nicholas Sparks' books such heartwarmers.

Took a chance, roll the dice of me and you. Opened up, let you in my world. Like a dance, started slow and then love took control. Swept away, so proud to be your girl. When you write a story much to fast Sometimes a happy ending doesn’t last. Now I know that love ain’t meant to be a play thing. Now I know it’s not an ordinary everyday thing. Now I know that when it's right it's so amazing. When it’s wrong you gotta let it go..... Now I know.
.... loves that song.

do you ever have like a mental slideshow of all your moments with your loved one? Kinda pick a song and play it out in your head while the slides go by one by one--- fading in and out...KINDA like that one? *points to video* I DO.. its nice...like a "Notebook" of your very own. =)

[sidenote] i loved being in the arms of someone who made me feel beautiful all the time. To have it -- is to be blessed. SIGH. Just silly old times that break my heart.

"Can you really be brave if you've only had great things happen to you?"

*** this is where you play the video again JUST coz it was THAT sweet -- DO IT =)

change of plans. not heart.

"I dont think I want this anymore. No happily ever after. That just ain't for me because finally, I know I deserve better after all. I'll never let another teardrop fall"

That's the chorus to a song that I am feeling for a few reasons.
1. The melody of the song is so relaxing to me.
2. Her voice is very soothing albeit kind of annoying LOL
3. The words captivate me. They're not lyrical masterpieces but when it hits home, it really sticks.

Whateverrrr. I'm kind of at a loss of words right now. I'm feeling way more than I can express verbally. However, for the sake of completing an entry, I'll try.

I was going to blog about my weekend and/or The Usuals, but my heart wouldn't be in it. Lately my heart isn't in alot of things. It's hard to put in something that you gave to someone else, I guess.

There have been so many times where I thought I was ready to release myself from your grip, but for some painstaking reason, I always come running back. The scary thing about thsi time is that I don't think it's going to play out that way. I know I have been saying that I want you to leave and I just want to live a life without you, but the more it becomes reality, the heavier my heart seems to get.

I've been watching us drift apart for a few days now and it's honestly breaking my heart. I never thought it could be done - feeling a worser pain than before. I guess I was totally wrong. GOSHHHHH!! Every fibre of my being is screaming at me to embrace this newfound freedom but my stupid good for nothing heart is telling me to cave. It's not about pride anymore. It's not about the unexplained, unapologetic nights where you have left me bereft. It's about getting past the shoulda woulda coulda's and dealing with the main problem:

WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE ANYTHING LESS THAN LOVERS.
.. && trying just doesn't sing the same benefits anymore.

I want to go back to 430 days ago. When looking at you didn't hurt. When we had meaning. 430 days ago, I believed in things like forever and faith. It's been 430 days and not one has went by that I haven't tried to find the strength, the courage to finally say goodbye. I don't want to wait another 430 but I also don't want to die a little everytime I notice that youre life seems clearer and better off without me.

holy shit, I'm not making any sense right now! That's how disgruntled I am. You just signed on. Even the sight of your name makes me flinch. craaaaap. I'm crying. SIGH. I cant do this right now....

The courses of true love never did run smooth. - William Shakespeare
.. damn Willy, you couldn't have been more right.

The early bird is on steroids.

four.twenty.three AM.
.. Im up early or awake really late? I never know anymore.

I never got around to fixing yesterday's blog because I was oooooot and abooot.

blah blah blah blah

bloggers block.

big day tommorrow. too much that still needs to be done.

EL OH AYE EFF TEE !

this entry sucks balls.

fuck it! I'm going to bed. =)

xoxox - jacs

.. they just wanna, they just wann-uh-ah !

I love when I go into my shower on a hot summer's day and just sing my little heart out. Therapeutic cold showers on hot days are the bombdiggity. When my little therapy session was done (aka my bath LOL) I was startled by an orchestra of laughter coming from downstairs. I made my way downstairs only to find half of The Usuals just loafting around my living room. Aww, I love them. We decided to go to Moxies and have some drinks and see Anna the Nguyen in action. After that, a drunk Allen, Soliman, Yena and I went exploring at Earl Bales at midight. I got my feet muddy, so gross. I dont mind it though. Our mini expedition made us hungry so we went to Metro and grabbed some chips - OLD DUTCH is the truth! The rest of our Usuals met up with us and we took a terrifying yet beautiful walk through Edward's Garden. I'm sure it's gorgeous during the day but at 3am, it's just scary. I love my friends. I love flowers. I really dont want to blog right now.

IM SOOO SORRY this blog is so rushed and choppy but Yena is rushing me because we about to get our SUMMAAAA BONDING ON! Haha, I'll jazz this entry up later on. Have a good one dude!
photo deets ; Edwards Garden, whatchu know bout Bridal Path?

xoxo - Jacs

and I want to live inside the glow.

"Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."

... aint that the truth?

I believe that too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be. The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want.

anyways ...

I just wanted to put down a few things before I step out. I woke up early this afternoon (*blush) and lay in my bed just thinking. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular at first but then my mind just took me back a few years and there I was. All the best times swallowed by the worst then saved by the better. As each memory played out, I labeled each of them with a chapter heading as if it were a novel. It sounds pretty psycho but in actuality, it made perfect sense. It still makes sense. Why not have chapter headings for most favourite and not so favourite moments in life? In any case, the flashback picture shows kept playing out in my head and I found myself crying. Not painful tears or happy tears. Just tears. Probably because I realized I am not the child from my past. I am the woman from which my past had built.

I layed there for a few hours more. The tears kept rolling. And I just kept wiping.


xoxo - Jacs

If we put ours together, we'll have a whole one!

My friend, lets call her Sarah, is going through what most people go trough in their lives. A break up. Well, its not so much a break up than a series of emotions, decisions and problems leading up to a break up. I wanted to to just send out a few thoughts to her in hopes it will provide clarity.

Dear Sarah,

The bad guys lie to get into your bed. The good guys lie to get into your heart. The really good guys dont lie at all because they trust you enough not to. Relationships are hard but thats only because being alone is so much harder. That doesn't mean that being alone is a bad thing. Sometimes you need to take yourself out of the game to see if youre being played. Adam gave Eve his rib for one reason only. He knew that he needed to sacrafice a piece of himself to create something better for the future. Be strong and always remember, youre allowed to be scared. Sometimes courage just comes when you least expect it but need it the most.

I love you.

- Jacs

Nothing better.

These blogs of mine are in such a messed up order. I have grown so accustomed to facebook notes that I keep forgetting I have a blog. For my summer promise, this blog will be filled with entries and photos and other such wonderful things that I will look back on.

BUT, in the meantime .. heres what you missed:

*N.B; When I say "The Usual", its just the name of my everyday group of friends. One day I'll blog about each of them just so you get the idea. =)

B A R R I E . B O N D I N G
The Usual and I traveled to Barrie where we went to the beach and played man hunt in the playground. Kim also lost her phone. After a few minutes of looking, we found it. LOL. We also talked a whole lot about life, love and other things that make us miserable. Then to top it all off, we decided to go to the water's edge, skip rocks and wait for the sun to rise up and greet us. {ps} I had to pee soooo bad ! Thank the lord of friendly late night security guards who randomly show up in the knick of time!
photo deets; Kim, Yena and I posing up for the cam. How hot are silhouette pics? Thanks Raji.


W A S A G A . B E A C H
So as the title suggests, we took a group trip to the beach. Nothing beats soakin the rays in with your number ones =) I was the only one who was willing to spend more than 15 minutes in the water. LOL. I can't help it. I'm a freakin fish! It got to a point where they sent someone in to get me. Once I was shore bound, I helped transform Lucky into a wacked out merman! Did I mention how burnt I got? :(
photo deets; Myself with Lucky trying to make sense of it all LOL. Thanks Boo for the photo op!


A R I 'S . 21ST . B D A Y . P W N ! / F I R E W O R KS . F I G H T
So, The Usuals decided to throw our friend Ari a "PWND!" surprise bday party. Why we call it a PWND BDAY is because he basically got his birthday wrong. I'm not going into details about it because I don't want to bait him out like that. Needless to say, we threw a really relaxing and fun party for a good friend of ours. We ate/cooked food, played some Rockband & Guitar Hero, learned how to really play Black Jack courtesy of Jay, and just enjoyed eachother's company. At night however, we went to Tim Hortons and gambled some more to kill the time in between the boys + Boo deciding to have roman candle fight. That was interesting and extremely scary and smokey! Of course, the fire dept. and the police were tipped off in which case, we drove off to evade trouble. LOL. Immature? Yes. Smart? Not exactly. Worth it? Definetly.
photo deets; Ari and the wonderful PWND sign I made. Photo creds go to me for this one =) Here's some more pics from that night :

J U L Y . 1 S T / C A N A D A . D A Y
So The Usuals and then some decided to go to Downsview Park to enjoy the carnival and fireworks for our nation's birthday! It wasn't exactly the most breath taking fireworks but anybody who knows me, knows I love love love fireworks of any kind. In my opinion, the fireworks could have been shorter and less redundant but whatever. I'm just happy that they even happened at all because the fire dept. was on strike. In the end, we all got seperated by the huge crowd and met back up at my house. I live walking distance from the park. We all just ended up going back up to my apartment and playing card games and video games. The night would've been much better if the group was complete and we went earlier to catch most of the festivities. We got there jsut a few moments before the show but caught a snippet of another show in progress. It was a random guy from New Zealand who blew up a latex glove with his nose while holding a torch between his legs. Not exactly entertaining. LOL It's never a dull moment with us. photo deets; The fireworks I was able to capture even with that obstruction of a pole in my way. Another one captured by moi, you like? =)

J U L Y . 4 TH / T H E . J U M P . O F F . I I
feat. AJM, A-Jose, Stepz, F. Scoops, Jay Renz, D- Pryde,
Vibrasonic Sessions & more.

The Usual and I got all gussied up to attend The Jump Off II . This event was highly anticipated. Big ups to Ian Nillas for organizing this showcase! It was " Ma Lupet". The Performers were absolutely amazing. My highlights would definetly be AJM, A-Jose, Sean Cristi and Vibrasonic Sessions! I was awe inspired. This event was based on the movement to reach out to others through music. Raw and untapped talent came out and gave us party-goe'ers a show to remember. It was hosted at MStudio which is ran and put together by Filipinos. Not to say that you have to be Filipino to attend or participate! MStudios and Minerva Records are trying to break into the industry full force with introducing more Filipino artists to kind of break the minority. It's a great thing. If it empowers us while providing great music for others, I'm always down! photo deets; 1. AJM, Stepz, F.Scoops 2. Swanky & Vibrasonic Sessions 3. AJM & A-Jose 4. Jay Renz, AJM & Miszy D ; too awesome!

WELL KIDS, that's what's been going on lately. The tip of my summer iceburg. I promise I'll be back soon with more tidbits from my hectic life. Thanks for the read up!

x o x o - jacs